Studio Friday ~ Fear

I am filled with fear.

Fear of what ifs,

fear of the unknown,

fear of the known ~ patterns I tend

to fall into, bad patterns I have

spent years trying to break free from.

    

I think part of dealing with fears

and breaking out our superhero capes

to fight them, is naming them.

Not tip-toeing around them,

letting them linger in and out

quietly, lurking in the shadows,

giving them power, but dragging

them out into the light,

so the sunlight can shine through

the holes that fill them ~ holes we

can’t otherwise see.

    

We doubt ourselves.  How can we not?

Regular jobs rely on managers and supervisors

to tell you what to do.  There is always somewhere

else to place blame.  Working for some entity

that often doesn’t seem real.  We owe it

nothing.  But as artists, we must rely on

ourselves to find vision, truth, passion,

creativity.  When we don’t work as hard,

we let ourselves down.  Talk about pressure.

    

This is part of the struggle and the brilliance

of so many artists, the thing that makes us insane

with fear but also the thing that we must

follow if we seek to create beauty and truth ~

the thing that enables us to grow

as an artist,

as a person. 

    

When our work is judged, we are judged.

When people pass by your booth at an art show

or make a thoughtless comment about

an art piece, suddenly every fear becomes real and

you are nine years old again, wanting so much

to be brave, but feeling as delicate as a dried leaf,

every fear magnified. 

    

I am afraid people will stop buying my art.

I am afraid I will never make enough money.

I am afraid I will run out of ideas.

I am afraid the world can see my fear.

I am afraid I am addicted to caffeine.

I am afraid my husband will never take me dancing.

I am afraid I will have children.

I am afraid I will never have children.

I am afraid I will leave the heater in my garage on

and start a fire.

I am afraid I will make mistakes.

I am afraid I will be depressed.

I am afraid I will never be enough.

I am afraid this list could go on forever . . .

    

We all have insecurities and fears,

but that’s all they are.

They are not fact.

They are not truth.

So let’s drag them out

for the world to see,

and maybe, just maybe, we’ll realize

some of them aren’t so scary.

    

It is when our passion is

stronger than our fear

that we will truly

find ourselves. 

    

I would like to dedicate this blog

to my friend and fellow

Starbucks lover, Lindsay.

Lindsay is leaving for Pakistan

next week to begin a two-year journey

that will challenge and change her.

She is an amazing spirit and

one of the bravest souls I know.

    

Comments

[Q-Tip]

All I can say is - Ditto.
You don't want to see my list of fears. My therapist and I are working to check off each item weekly :)

[Kerri P]

Hi Casey,
Great blog & great suggestion for Studio Friday. Wonderful poem. Really hit the mark for me. thanks.

[Anke]

You put it so perfect in a poem! Feel a lot the same way.

[Michelle]

Wow. Powerful. Thank you for sharing Casey and thank you for suggesting the topic. It put me in a happy place.

Cheers!

Michelle

PS..you should take your husband dancing this weekend.

[Lindsay]

you have got to LOVE starbucks. they inspire! :) thanks for the dedication! i love you and you are brave... keep pushing yourself... oh by the way - i heard your lady down at that store just got back from pakland. i was at the airport to welcome the team in - i knew the leaders. i didn't know which person she was, but i was there :)

[Silvia Salix]

I came across a quote the other day..
" Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." ~Benjamin Franklin
When you said "they are not fact, they are not truth", it reminded me of Ben's quote. And the sunlight is the passion!

[Ouissi]

This is wonderful...so expressive!

Ouissi x

[tongue in cheek]

Oh!! You have a wonderful, full od depth, and calm, and faithful blog...I love the title and your images!! Thank you for bringing me here!!

[Carrie Sommer]

Oh, this is so beautiful, and so right on. I might need to cut and paste it, print it out, and hang it in my studio. Great post.

[Gabi]

I am a superhero out to conquer all fear! Love your topic choice this week! Nice and fresh and something I hadn't ever really thought about before! Thanks for making me dig deep!
~ have a great weekend ~
Gabi

[sharla]

Don't be afraid of the caffiene addiction. Embrace it! ha ha

Wonderful post. Thank you for sharing

[Tracie]

Wow! What a powerful message you have communicated here. I love your take on the whole fear thing especially when you say, "It is when our passion is stronger than our fear that we will truly find ourselves."

You hit it on the head IMO!