I've been having trouble getting my footing lately ~
like I've lost my normally happy, juicy center
and can't find it anywhere or in anything
I do. My face often feels hard and expressionless
and I haven't been sleeping well.
I have been watching way too much TV
and avoiding any creative outlets ~ art,
photos, and writing. I have a desperate urge to
remove myself from MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter.
I feel like I am holding things close to the bone
and those cyber places make me feel vulnerable,
detached, and guilty for not keeping up.
I want to step back.
I want to simplify.
So I am trying to go deeper and figure things out.
This morning I realized, to the excitement of my
husband, I am not doing any art shows this year
except my holiday show in November. We made this
decision last year after a less than satisfying show
that left us feeling worn out and depressed. Our tent
was destroyed, several pieces of art ruined, and
another seasoned outdoor artist bruised our weak
egos, telling us we weren't cut out for outdoor shows
with our flimsy tent and set-up.
Although art shows are hard work ~
physically and emotionally, and very unpredictable,
there's also nothing like the experience of selling
something I spent hours creating directly to someone
who loves the work and wants to add it to the sacred space
that is their home. And even though it's just as hard to
accept compliments as it is to feel defeated as people walk
right by your work, I enjoy the interaction with people about
art, life, and all things creative. Filling orders for
galleries is not the same. It's nice to get the income,
but it's hard to just produce and produce and then become
detached from the work, never seeing it through to a buyer ~
an actual person with a story that falls in love with a certain
piece.
I don't know what the answer is right now. But the best
I can do is to be here, seeking . . .
